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| Mike Salvesen (leader) Mike was a founding member of the RTO and for a while its only violin. Many might say, uncharitably, that this is why he became leader and modest Mike would agree that longevity is his greatest asset. However, this does not do justice to a musician who has survived not only the rapid expansion of his section but the arrival of a succession of suspected professionals (all now removed). Few leaders will have had to endure what he endures on a fortnightly basis. Without Mike, the RTO strings would not be where they are today. No one could argue with that. Mike went to the same school as Chris Fletcher (see below).
On loan from a less famous Edinburgh orchestra, the talented Maxwell is something of an enigma. Junior strings regard him with awe and aspire (helplessly) to his technical level. While he claims not to practise (much), he clearly has done so in the past or he would never be able to play all the tricky bits in the Radio Four theme tune. A popular soloist at the Christmas concert, he does not however hog the limelight and is happy to give the other violins a go. Pity. (David would also like it to be mentioned that it is always him and Mrs Maxwell who Hoover up after RTO parties.) Susan Nickalls (violin 1) Precocious promise in NZ (where Susan guested in the Wainiuomata school orchestra for their production of Joseph starring Scottish Opera’s Alex Reedijk) developed into a more mature and moving style. She ended up here, via Wellington, Easter Ross and Bosnia, with Grade 8 (no kidding) and a performer’s diploma (an RTO first and last) under her bed. Her skills on strings are only matched by her (alleged) talents on keyboards and there are suspicions that she might have tinkered with other sections of the orchestra. The musical director is now engaged in an urgent quest to find an instrument Susan cannot play.
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Ralph Ross-Russell (violin 1) Chris Fletcher (violin 1) Studied piano, violin and organ enthusiastically as a child but
never really got the hang of any of them though, astonishingly,
he was leader of his school’s orchestra. As such, he claims to have
inspired the RTO’s Mike Salveson, who attended the same institution.
It certainly says something about the music department of Chris’s
and Mike’s alma mater, *******, that it managed to send not one
but two of its old boys to the RTO!** Other ensembles that have
tolerated Chris include the Fools Quartet, a motley selection of
learners who never quite made it to the Queens (or indeed any) Hall.
Chris plays very loudly. Ilona Morison (violin 1) Ilona Morrison was born in Hungary, home of violin virtuosity, but spent her formative years in France where music, though cherished, takes second place to other pursuits. Now British based, she likens herself to the Asterix bard and really terrible harpist Cacophonix, whose musicality often results in his own personal injury. The comparison is, of course, inaccurate - Ilona does not play the harp. She does have her uses, though, and they are great. With husband Hugh and their van, she is regularly responsible for transporting the RTO’s bigger instruments between venues, and many a concert would not have happened had it not been for this trusty pair. (Ilona, a map reader, says she cannot drive the basses and tubas to New York, however, on account of the distance.) Ilona is far too modest to mention that she designs and runs the RTO’s fantastic website.
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| Christine Lessels (leader, violin 2) Christine not only guides the second violins of the RTO, she also captains the ladies team at Gullane Golf Club, diverse roles which surprisingly have much in common. A strict time keeper, she never misses a beat but occasionally skips a rehearsal due to her many commitments. Christine puts the swing back into Glen Miller and her rendition of the Dam Busters March has been known to bring tears to fellow seconds seated nearby. A fluent French speaker, Christine is often called upon to translate complicated instructions from the musical director into the RTO vernacular. She also knows what ‘de capo’ means.
Pioneer of the sticky tape on the E string to locate high notes
(particularly useful at the end of the 1812 Overture), Richard is
nonetheless more comfortable in first position. He can’t remember
when he began his musical instruction but is an enthusiastic exponent
of the ‘it’s never too late’ method. Clusters of semi-quavers hold
no terror - he just waits for them to pass and joins in when he
can. In his fearless quest for knowledge he has been known to interrupt
the musical director mid-flow to ask such pertinent questions as
‘what are dynamics?’ and ‘what piece are we playing?’ Richard is
believed to be a beneficiary of a government outreach initiative.
Zandra Macpherson (violin 2) Zandra is good at lots of things: the harp, writing (she is a published author), events organisation, tartan designing, clan networking. She also plays the violin. Late to the instrument, her progress has been somewhat compromised by other distractions (see above) and a tendency to play from ear when she can’t read the music. If her version of Highland Cathedral strays from the original it is because of her somewhat abstract approach to the notes. Zandra’s unconventional technique is one of the reasons bagpipes are brought in to accompany the RTO whenever this piece is performed.
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Felicitas Mcfie (violin 2) Seconded to the RTO under an EU Directive to improve Anglo German relations, Felicitas brightens up any gathering. Though seldom seen at RTO rehearsals, she is a permanent fixture in the concert halls (upper circle) of Edinburgh and a season ticket holder at the Edinburgh International Festival. Little is known about her playing, but her favourite position is rest and she tunes her violin in an un-RTO manner, indicative of a musical education in Dusseldorf perhaps? As a mother of six, Felicitas is not expected to practise but her housekeeper, who substitutes occasionally for her, is. Felicitas is the only member of the orchestra to employ a housekeeper.
Jenny studied violin under Betty Scrope, who told her mother (circa 1970) that she was either a very hard worker or a genius. A place in the school orchestra (first violins) was guaranteed, followed by acclaimed solo performances of Noon Day Haze, Ave Maria, and Martini Gavotte. Since then it’s been downhill all the way. She struggled gamely through various concerti in her own time, self-teaching the Bach E major, for example, by playing a tape of David Oistrakh and then copying, and also approaching virtuosos after concerts and begging for lessons. When one heard her he was aghast: ‘You can either play or you can’t,’ he said. She gave up completely until a chance encounter with Sandy McCall Smith alerted her to the existence of the RTO and put her back in touch with her inner Paganini.
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Bob Porrer (viola) Bob started violin at school, but long arms meant he was encouraged to move to viola. As the only viola throughout the rest of his school days he ended up playing solos and in the school orchestra and continued to play at university. Following a gap of several decades, during which he pursued a career, Bob joined the RTO. Now semi-retired and until recently chairman of RSA Scotland, he has noticed an improvement in his playing, as have his fellow violists (whose arms are shorter). He categorically denies taking lessons but has been warned that any further betterment will result in his forced relocation to percussion. Gill McConnell (viola) Gill has a number of talents (she is an artist and poet) but sadly
music is not one of them. Told at an early age that she was tone
deaf, the violin was, naturally, irresistible. Teachers quickly
moved her onto the viola, whose low-pitched notes were more tolerable.
Her degree in Mathematical Science means she gave up counting (along
with her viola) on arriving at university. She usually shares a
desk with Fiona (who can count) and makes up for shorter arms than
either Bob or Fiona by playing a small but aesthetically pleasing
French viola. If her counting is improving, it’s a temporary effect
of the credit crunch and normal service is likely to be resumed
when it’s over.
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Fiona Cantlay (viola) Fiona’s meagre competence on one instrument (the viola) belies
enormous musical talents. Blessed with a fine soprano voice, Fiona
can be heard every Sunday morning gracing the choir of St Giles’
Cathedral. She teaches piano and singing at one of Edinburgh’s most
prestigious educational foundations, where she has honed her skills
at inspiring sullen students and repelling pushy parents. A resident
of the leafy lanes of Morningside, Fiona has been forced into semi-retirement
from teaching in order to maintain an arduous schedule of charity-shop
volunteering and lunching. Fiona’s arms, while long, are not as
long as Bob Porrer’s. |
| Dorothy Leeming (double bass) This outstanding (or maybe just standing) member of the orchestra gamely took up the double bass because a) she is that sort of person and b) she happened to have an instrument meeting that description lying about the house, and not many people do. Dorothy’s contribution when she is able to make one is incredible, and not merely in artistic terms. As she points out, bass players are easy to get on with and the section, which now includes Rebecca Wober and ‘Bernie’ (her bass) and Archie Shaw Stewart and his ‘Dorothy’, is a happy one. Dorothy can be credited with introducing hundreds to the RTO through her wide social network; indeed the Friends of Dorothy cordoned off half the Cadogan Hall for the RTO’s London debut and are rumoured to be chartering an airbus to New York. Dorothy’s double bass is called ‘Bertie’.
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Archie Shaw Stewart (double bass) Archie is a direct descendent of the Royal Stewarts and possibly
the King of Scotland. He is also an inventor but these facts are
not necessarily linked. His wife decided he needed to get out more
and was delighted when he was accepted into the double bass section
of the orchestra. It (the bass) had been languishing for 35 years
since Archie’s school days and has been named Dorothy after his
fellow player in the section. Archie is currently working on subsea
to air wireless communication but the RTO keeps his feet firmly
on the ground. He plays the organ when asked and the piano in a
Scottish reel band, and enjoys curling, photography, walking and
eating chocolate. |
| The Cunningham family (varied strings) Tom
was the first of the Cunninghams to join an orchestra; that it was
the RTO is thanks to the Scottish Executive’s Cultural Access Bill
(Scotland) 2008. Tom chose the RTO as his ‘cultural entitlement’,
which is something of an honour for the RTO considering he could
have selected a night at the ballet, recorder lessons or a watercolour
class. |
Once in, with his cello, it was quite easy to secure a berth for his daughter (under the RTO’s own under-30 assisted places programme) and then his wife Alison. The second violins accommodated the youngest Cunningham for about four rehearsals and two concerts but she was not for us and eventually we had to let her go. She now plays in some other band, possibly called the SCO. Tom and Alison (violin 2) were another story. Despite previous participation in a choir, they were both found to be RTO naturals, in complete harmony with their respective string sections, and are now eligible for life-time membership. |
| Martha Lester-Cribb (cello) Martha is probably unique in the RTO, having won a music scholarship at a school where both her music teacher parents worked. Other RTO members may claim music scholarships in their distant pasts (though this is highly implausible and records will be checked) but none will be able to say they had music scholarships at the school where their parents worked, of that we can be sure. Martha took up percussion and singing to complement her cello studies but appears to have been easily distracted, and by the sixth form any early promise was fast evaporating. She scraped a D grade at A-level music and twice managed to miss her Grade 8 cello by breaking her arm (she won’t say how), a drastic but effective avoidance tactic that should not be copied by younger readers. Martha believes her training equipped her well for the inclusive musical sphere that is the RTO. Her mother was not available for comment. |
Copyright © 2008. The Really Terrible Orchestra.